I Swear That I Don't Have A Gun

This is Kurt Cobain.
Until his death in 1994,
he was the lead singer for the grunge band Nirvana.
He hung around the Seattle area a lot,
and Nirvana helped to create an entire genre of music.
I'm not the biggest fan of Nirvana,
and I don't listen to their music,
but I think Kurt said a few good things in some of his songs.

So I've been in the Seattle area for about a week now.
I've been able to hang out with many a great amount of people.
The atmosphere up here is one that I marvel at.
For those of you who don't know,
Washington is one of the most 'unchurched' states in the nation,
and by that I don't mean that there aren't a lot of church "buildings",
even though that's true,
there aren't,
but that Christianity is not a part of culture up here.
It's not real to a lot of people.
In Oklahoma, Christianity is almost just a part of everyday living.
On your way to work,
you may pass at least 5 churches,
or see a sign with a verse on it,
or see a 'Jesus fish' on the backs of many many cars.
I thank God for that.
As much as it irritates me sometimes,
that Christianity can be taken lightly with some people,
I'm happy to know that where I live,
people are able to hear about the risen Savior.

I had a conversation with my new friend Kylee tonight.
She was telling me that she had just accepted Christ,
and I couldn't have been more excited for her.
She was telling me that she did it because she realized that she could accept Christ,
and still be messed up.
At first I thought,
"Yeah... duh..."
but she didn't know,
and she's not dumb,
so maybe this means that a lot of people don't know,
and even if they do,
I think we should all be reminded of that amazingly gracious fact.
She was thrilled to know that God would take her,
even though she had problems,
even though she had struggles that she was not in any hurry to get rid of,
even though she didn't want to dress a certain way on Sunday,
or become some weird religious 'nerd'.
I remember whenever it really hit me that God would take me as I was.
I remember that I thought,
"that's what I've been wanting to hear all along."
I believed in God,
and in Christ,
but not in religion.
Not in made-up rules .
I didn't believe that Jesus was mad at me because I chose not to wear a collared shirt on Sundays,
or that he hated me whenever I listened to Modest Mouse in my car.
I just wanted to get to know Him,
without Him freakin' yelling at me all of the time.
I just wanted to read my bible,
and know this 'grace' everyone was talking about,
and feel what it feels like to have the Holy Spirit enter you,
without getting tripped out on for something I didn't understand.
And what I realized was,
that God takes people like that all the time,
and He always has.
Whenever I found out what kind of person Paul (read Acts 2 and 3) had been,
I thought,
dude,
I'm covered.
Paul never saw Jesus in His physical form on Earth.
He was a Jew.
Like a super Jew,
above in his Jewish faith more than anyone around his age group.
He murdered Christians.
He hated their cause.
Paul also wrote like 3/4's of the New Testament after his experience with Christ on a dirt road.
The guy had a radical change,
and started churches all over Asia Minor.
But Paul was messed up.
Seriously messed up.
He wasn't some deep-voiced white-guy in a $2000 three piece suit and a show on TBN.
But if you read about his work,
he was gnarly.

God took this Christian-murdering super-Jew,
and made him into a beast.
That's what he does with people.
He takes the abusers,
the sex-addicts,
the druggies,
the people who have a deep hate for other people,
the people who've failed at everything they've ever tried,
the people who can't seem to get a date,
the people who've never read their bible and have to look at the table of contents during church,
the people who don't really know if they believe all of what the bible says,
the people who really hate TBN,
the people who had really jacked up childhoods,
the people who don't want to quit doing what they know is wrong.
Are you getting it?
Are you understanding that God does not care that you're pretty messed up?
All he wants to do is love you.
He wants you to love Him,
and know Him.
To come to Him as you are.
No prep-time,
or getting fancied-up,
or dusting off your bible.
Come to Him as the messed up sinner you've always heard you were.
If you have a pride issue,
boast to God.
You're dealing with a lust issue,
tell God that you can't look away sometimes.
He's able to take that kind of talk.
Here's the thing...
you get to know Christ,
what He's done and all that,
and you begin to change the way you act,
the way you talk,
freaking everything,
just because Christ is in you.
Those problems that you have,
begin to start being dealt with because Christ is physically working in you,
changing you from the inside out.
It's a great thing guys,
don't get freaked out that God's 'forcing you to change' or anything like that,
because He is just miraculously just doing what you've asked.
I choose to give things up now,
only so that I may know Christ more.
and it's awesome.

The times when Christ has really worked in me,
has been when I was totally straight up with Him.
Whenever I said,
'look man,
I want to know you,
I want to follow what you tell me to do,
but this is so sketchy to me.
I don't feel like reading,
I don't feel like giving things up.
Please help me out, man.
Because this whole Christianity thing sucks as of right now.'
God can take slang,
even curse words if need be
(oh no, not curse words!).
But a warning,
when He speaks,
He may ask you to do something.
To go somewhere.
To give something up.
To take something on.
Be prepared for it,
and definitely accept it.
Christ wants you to come as you are,
and do work for His Kingdom.
Read the bible,
it's all Truth.
All of it.

Pray for my new friends Kylee and Kirstin Meadows.
New believer's can get easily discouraged,
and that sucks bad.
Just go ahead and pray for a revival in Washington while you're at it.
I met some of the best people here.
I can't name all of the names,
but I'm going to miss every single one of them,
and their passion for Christ.

Listen to this and remember that you suck just as bad as everyone else,
and that that really doesn't matter to God.

Emo Ethan

This is Emo Philips


He's a stand up comedian,
who has been in movies like UHF and the original Meet the Parents,
and has done voice overs for shows like Home Movies and Dr. Katz.
He's extremely funny,
and besides the first word in his name,
he has nothing to do with this blog.









I was reading Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller a couple of weeks ago,
when I came across the chapter dealing with the downsides of living alone.
I actually never considered living alone to be a bad thing.
Though I do live with my parents right now,
I keep myself pretty shut up in my room.
I understand that it encourages anti socializing,
but that doesn't really bother me either.
This is why Don thinks living alone is no good;
Don says that while living alone,
you allow life to fall into a schedule.
He compares life to a play.
People get used the the play going the way that they want it to go.
The script has no variables.
Whenever we write the script,
we leave no room for changes.
If someone comes in and interrupts our play's flow,
we become upset.
It's like that guy had no right to do this.
He's ignorant and unaware of how the world is supposed to work,
because we have perfected it by being alone so much.
We haven't allowed our life to be imposed by others.

This would only be a bad thing if the universe were revolving around one person,
and that person was the center of everything.

Everyone knew what that person did and didn't like.

They knew that person's ticks,
and what really sets that peson off.

And if anyone tried to mess with that person,

then everyone would unite in saying that that guy was in the wrong,

and he should know better not to mess with that person.

But what's wrong with this idea is that there is no one person,

and a lot of times,

or at least for people who enjoy being alone,

we believe we are that one person.

That the universe,

in some quirky way,

is supposed to follow our rules.

That people should act like us,

think like us,

respect our boundaries,

tell jokes that we think are funny,

hate the same songs,

love the same lines in movies,

respect the same art,

enjoy the same hobbies,

not call what we do 'weird',

and wear clothing that we would consider cool,

or fashionable or something.

Too bad that's not the case.

Too bad people are people with varied personalities.

I used to hate that.

I used to question why didn't people think like me,
or act like me,

because I thought my ways were flawless.

But thats the thing about enjoying lonesome.
You begin to think that everything you do,

is how everything should be,

and once someone comes in and tries to change that,

it's like blasphemy against your set life.

You know those 'Tapout' shirts?

I hate those.

I used to be bitter against the people in them,

because I just catagorized them.

I put a lable on them.

I hung out with a bunch of guys this past week that watch UFC,

they dig manliness and wrestling and stuff.

I just don't.

I can't stand watching that stuff,

but these guys were pretty cool.

A lot of them were really open about where they were in life,

how it was going and all that,

but they just liked punching faces and stuff.

God calls us to be together

To just love one another.

He wants community within the church.

He doesn't care that you want to have your set of things that you want to do,

because there are people who need you,

they need you to do things for them,

and frankly,

you freakin' need them too.

You can't follow Christ on your own.

No one ever has succesfully.

It's a family matter.

People should have people.

Pastors should lean on other pastors for support.

Bum-looking musicians, should text or call guys who wear Affliction and Ed Hardy t-shirts for advice and prayer requests.

Girls should quit worrying about their friends dating ex-boyfriends,

and lift each other up in prayer.

This isn't your universe.

This isn't even your town,

or community,

or life.

It's God's.

God wants us to help each other out,

and look deeper into the lives of others rather than just judging what they are at face value.

If you ever see me not practicing what I 'preach',

please let me know.

I need people too.

Listen all uh yall, it's a sabotage.

This is my school from Super Summer
It was pretty gnarly in this school. Everyone in the group was extremely welcoming, and it definitely challenged me. If you've ever wondered about Super Summer, or if you're sort of wanting to go but don't know the details, hit me up. It's rad......... now on to the blog.

so yes,
i went to a Christian leadership camp,
and I got all hyped up on Jesus,
then I was released back into the wild.
well man,
if you've been to any camp like that at all,
you know how easy it is for your passion to just evaporate,
and soon,
you're left wondering what God even showed you last week.
well,
this year was a little different for me.
you see,
on friday as we were coming back,
man i was tired,
but my dear friend adam called and asked me a few buddies to play music at his falls creek cabin that night,
so it's like, "heck yeah man"
I had the ACT in the morning,
but i'm thinking,
eh whatever...

I drive down there,
and on arrival,
i see that my tire,
is totally flat.
after the my friends and I finished our set,
we get some air in it,
and i started driving back,
but of course,
it goes flat once again.
"I know! How about the donut?!"
that goes on,
then it's flat too.
i drive it as far as i can go,
and by now i'm in Sulfur,
which... is not Ada.
a cop pulls me over,
and tells me,
"Man, that things going to catch on fire." since no one was in any position to just come pick me up, he said, "Yeah, just go up to Wal-Mart and spend the night in your car."
I was bummed.
Mom's bumming because the ACT's tomorrow.
things aren't lookin' so hot,
but i'm cranking up my Hillsong United album,
and i'm telling God,
"Alright man, i get this game you're playing. This sucks, but i feel ya."

A couple of hours go by.
I've made myself a little habitat inside of the entrance of Wal-Mart,
near the vending machines and the coin sucking vendors with giant bubble gum balls,
and sticky hands.
I'm just kind of laying on the ground.
I've been calling people,
trying to get home in any way.
This wal-mart woman comes up to me while im on the phone,
and the person i'm on the phone with,
is just annoying me.
not because they were being stupid,
but because I was sleepy,
it was late,
i was supposed to be in ada at least 3 hours ago,
the ACT sucks.
and my tires flat,
that sucks in general.
i was simply being a baby
and the wal-mart woman sees that through my actions.
She decides that she's not even going to deal with my ridiculous attitude,
which i don't blame her,
because she obviously figured i would treat her as badly as i treated the person on the phone.
That bummed me out, man.
I went in and apologized.
She said it was alright, and smiled at me.
I'm guessing not a lot of people apologize for their actions in wal-mart at 2 o'clock in the morning.
But I felt like such a punk.
After that point I constantly reminded myself,
"You are representing Christ in a frustrating time. Buck up."

There's this guy who works in Wal-Mart.
His name is James.
James,
honestly,
doesn't seem like much,
like importance wise.
He looks harmless,
and he's just kind of an average guy.
James turned out to be my gift from God.
I tell this guy what the situation is.
I'm stranded,
I have no money,
all that jazz.
By now I've gotten a hold of my dad.
And James tells me that if my dad will buy a gift card from the wal mart in mid west city,
then they can work some kind of voodoo magic,
and get me a tire.
That works.
James then,
not only helps me get a tire,
but this guy goes to the Tire and Lube shop or whatever it is in the back,
opens it up,
turns all the equipment on,
puts the tire on my wheel,
balances it,
grabs a jack,
and helps me put it on my car.
like,
makes everything perfect for me.
it was insane how nice this guy was.
he didn't have to do any of that,
especially putting the tire on.
it actually took a while for him to get all the equipment set up.

Not everybody lucks out like this.
i get that.
sometimes,
you get stranded in a crappy town,
and you remain stranded in that crappy town.
sometimes,
the people at wal-mart are the biggest jerks,
and really,
no one cares if you get home or not.
but I knew that God,
on this particular night,
was saying,
"Ethan, just be obedient. Just relax and do what I say."
He was faithful.
He was very generous to me.
I honestly believe that there was a being that was trying to destroy every bit of faith that I had gained during the past week.
I was being sabotaged
That he was trying to get me to stress and lose hope.
I was so ticked,
and tired,
and freakin' tripping out,
but I just kept hearing,
"You are representing Christ. Be obedient. He delivers hope, man."
It won't always work out the way I want it to,
it's going to suck sometimes,
like a lot,
but it will work out the way He wants it to.

Think about this,
"This is God's plan in His universe,
you may have a better plan,
but you don't have a universe."

Listen to Lecrae, the Rebel album.
Listen to the One Prayer podcasts from Lifechurch.tv
"You pray for me, I'll pray for you.
That's what's up."

The Desert Song

Incredible.

The dryest state in all the land

So it's been raining here in Ada, Oklahoma for a while now...
and I'm getting sick of it.
I don't mean to just be a negative Nathan and complain about all this wetness,
but dag nabbit,
I can't do much outside whenever the streets are all wet.
Who wants to build an indoor skatepark?

The infant over to my left is Colsen.
He's awesome.

So my family recently came into possesion of a 4 month old baby.
Her name is Amy, and she's the biological sister of my other adopted sisters.
She's... a baby.
I'm not used to dealing with babies.
Last night,
I was working on a school project,
and she cried.
I get it, okay?
She's a baby... therefore she also cries a lot,
but dang it,
I've never had to deal with this kind of business before.

It made me wonder how I'll be as a father.
I'm lazy,
and I often put sleep at a high priority in my life,
but what I'm hoping,
is that whenever/if ever I have a child of my own,
I will have so much love for that human being,
that I will be excited every time the child wakes me up,
just so I can hold it again.
I don't know if this is what happens in real life or not,
but I know that it happens whenever we cry out to God.

I know a couple of friends that really didn't have too great of a weekend.
They are awesome people,
and they also love God with a deep passion,
but I know a couple of them had to beg for forgiveness, like we all should do from time to time,
and thought, "God is so sick of me asking for forgiveness. He's just fed up with me."
I can understand being sick of the peaks and valleys that come naturally with following God,
but know that God does not grow tired of you running to him.
He wants you,
and if that means you having to leave him for a while,
just to know what his love truly is.

This happens to everyone.

Let's just be real folk,

there's no way to stay within the Godly mindset 24 hours a day,

everyday of the week.

We're just too full of ourselves.

I dig looking at cameras on Ebay more than reading Phillipians quite a lot.

We get tired or something,

so we don't read our bible,

or we don't pray,

or we just don't care about all the daily responsibilities that come with trying to keep the life of the righteous.

But when you choose to come back,

when you choose to get up out of your little hole,

don't think that you are just wasting God's time,

or that He's become angry with you.

Come to him as when a child comes to his loving father.

In Luke 18:17,

Jesus says, "Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

This is what I take from this verse;

Whenever you were a kid,

and you did something wrong,

did you ever feel the need to own up to it?

We don't want to,

because we're afraid to disappoint people,

and possibly losing the love we recieve from them

But we know that if we have God,

then there's no way His love can be taken from us.

So that just leaves disappointment,

There was a feeling I had as a little kid,

where whenever i did something wrong,

even though I was ashamed of what I did,

I wanted a fresh slate,

and I wanted to move on from it.

I didn't want it lingering in my mind anymore,

so whenever I felt like this,

I would approach one of my parents or something,

and without any pride in me,

tell them what happened,

ask for forgiveness,

maybe even recieve some discipline or something,

then move on.

It was done.

It wasn't even an issue anymore.

It was out,

and I was sorry for what I'd done.

The pride might be what get's us.

It's like,

if we admit what we did,

and ask for His forgiveness,

then He knows what we've done,

and we don't recieve his blessings.

Here's the problem with that one though,

He already knew.

He knew before we were even thought of in our mother's minds.

Before the universe was set into place.

And he still has blessed us in incredible ways.

If God worked in a way that was like, "You did something bad, something bad will happen to you."

He wouldn't bother waiting until we did it.

He's beyond time,

so to Him it's already happened and everything.

He would just fill our lives with a bunch of crap from beginning to end.

And yeah man,

that happens for sure,

God doesn't make everything comepletely awesome and incredible.

Following God sucks sometimes.

But we know the worth from it.

We know that following Him down that road that may suck really bad,

ends up taking us to a paradise.

So it's us.

Going back to God,

is a choice we make.

Drop that pride man.

Drop that ego about yourself.

It's only holding you back from giving into what he has for you.

Run to Him knowing He's the only way out of this biz that you've got yourself in,

or that the world has shoved into your life.

Don't you know that God is love?